THE ADVOCATE

GWEN.

She sat there in a hullabaloo of a place. Faces, places, people. Strangers passing by not knowing what she went through. She had tried very hard to quit but just couldn't. It seemed like her whole life depended on five packs of cigarette a day. She was sorry for all the pain that she had caused her people but this was her escape, her way of dealing with life.

She could still hear them fight in her head and still saw her mum with a bloody nose in her hospital bed. She saw the coffin in the ground and the dull faces everywhere. She never shed a single tear on that day but just concluded that God is cruel and didn't deserve her love at all. She didn't say good bye to her mother rather she stored up all her pain over the years and now her only friends were her packs of cigarette. Her heart was hardened. 'Why me?' she asked every single day as she walked the streets of London. One day she would definitely ask that man why he gave her this destiny.

She was cold, hungry and badly needed a smoke. It was time to visit  the soup kitchen across the street. There she got bread and hot soup  every morning. So joining the queue of people in front of the shop she waited her turn. Today, the queue was surprisingly short so before long it was her turn. On her way to an empty table she meets Judy. Judy volunteered there every now and then. Whenever Judy saw Gwen, she was always happy to see her and was always telling her about the God's Love which Gwen concluded she didn't need. 


'Good morning." she beamed.

 ‘How are you Gwen? How’s your asthma? Its been a while since the last time I saw you'.

'My asthma has been doing fine... haven't had any crises since the last time and.I have been surviving, thank you.'

'That's good to hear.You need to stop smoking you know'
'It’s a miracle you are still alive today.’

'I will Judy. Maybe , when the Lord of light shows himself to me.’ She chuckles

‘Gwen, always remember one thing. He loves you very much that’s for sure. Remember, whenever you decide to quit the stick, I am here for you and so is He’

‘If you say so, Judy. Anyways that's what all ‘em flyers you have been handing about been saying. '
'I am no more interested in that than what my asthma would do to me in the long run.'
 'I’ll just stick to my pack of cigarette. They never disappoint me.' She stated with a tone of surety.

‘Gwen, He never disappoints. Your pack of cigarette will fade away but his love for you won't.  Gwen think on one thing, He loves you. You just need to believe in his love.’

‘Ain't no love for free Judy. I ‘preciate what you and your fellas be doing with the soup for the soul kitchen thing but am on my own in this world and that’s that. Have a good morning Judy and thank you for asking ‘bout my asthma'. She started towards an empty table.

'Enjoy your soup Gwen. I am always here if you need anything.' Judy reminded her.

Finally, some peace! She didn't like talks of God and his love. Hell! she didn't want to hear of him! Hurriedly, Gwen devoured her hot bread and soup and then she set out to seek for her main course. Her pack of cigarettes. She decided to visit the local coffee shop to see if there would be any posh customers she could milk money off . She didn't see any likely candidate, so she decided to try the nearest bus-stop. There was always a cloister of people there one way or the other. Putting her plan into action, she sighted a well dressed man holding a shiny suitcase. She stared to walk fast towards him till they bump into each other. 

'Oh my...i am so sorry ma'am. please let me help you up'. He set his briefcase down and helped her up.
'no sir, i am so sorry..' she immediately burst into tears.
' whatever is the matter ma'am? I am sorry if I hurt you when you fell'.
'No sir. you did nothing.' 
On her feet now, 'I should have been looking at where I was going before I bumped into you. I am just very worried about my children. I can't find my wallet and I really need to get home to them. One of them has pneumonia.'
' I don't know what to do?' she sobbed piteously.
'I am so sorry about that ma'am. let me see how i can help you'.

The man reaches into his pocket  and hands her some  money. 
' please have this, its not much but I hope it would take you home'.
' I am running late for work, take care of yourself and do have a nice day'.
' Thank you sir. you are a life saver.' She thanked him with a watery smile as they both walk away in opposite directions of the street.

Relieved that her first attempt today was successful,she hurries off to the nearest grocery store around. Two minutes later Gwen  emerges clutching two packs of cigarette. looking like she had just won a trophy, she rushes off to the park to enjoy her smoke. Settling down on a park bench and sucking on her cigarette stick she inhales deeply. thinking what more life could offer her. Gwen found all her comforts and the escape she needed in her cigarettes. She wasn't prepared to give them up for anything in the world till death takes her. With a gulp of satisfaction, she dozes off to sleep. At noon, she wakes up hungry for another smoke but she realized that she didn't have any money. Her earlier packs of cigarette exhausted, she decided to sit this craving out but a war of wills took place within her.
‘let me sit down and wait this over maybe the feeling would die down a bit'.
Then it spoke...‘you know you are just wasting your time. You cannot live your life without a smoke so get up and get to work’.
She started to cry, holding her head feverishly. Glancing left and right, almost insane and hugging herself she begged within her, ‘let me just try for once please. I don’t want to smoke!’

 'This is the only way that you can forget everything. Look at you, you are already shivering like a mad woman when you should go out and ask for money to get it.’ It reminded her.

Gwen looked down at her palm and indeed was shivering like a mad woman. Thus, with no further resistance, she walked out of the park to look for her next victim of deceit. She sighted him immediately. Dressed in an expensive coat and with a prime hair cut, she walks up to a him . He was sitting outside the coffee shop from across the street where the park was. Crossing the road, she walked up straight to him and began to beg,
 'sir, would you be so kind enough to give me some money for my train fare?' 

'One of my children at home is sick. I came from Hemington to Bath  just to get some medicine but now but I don’t have any money for my train fare.’

‘I don't have money to give lairs like you, so leave here at once!’ He took in her bloodshot eyes, her once pretty face and her dirty, hungry stricken look. He summed up that she  was a lair and probably an addict of some sort.

‘sir please it is a matter of life and death,.. i beg you please.'

'She really does look piteous' he thought .Then with a sigh he pulls out his wallet to give her some spare change he had when the waitress comes out of the shop shouting ,
‘Don't give the bloody loco any money! What lies has she told you?' 

'Griff! Griffin! That mad woman is here!'

The waitress started walking angrily towards angrily towards Gwen, 'You this crazy woman, I have warned you to stay away from my shop! Stop harassing my customers’.

Out of the corner for her eyes she sights Griffen walking furiously out of the shop with a belt in his hand. Panicking, she did the next best thing she could think of, she snatched the mans wallet and took off. She was skinny,light , fast on her feet and was used to the streets of Bath with all its alleys. Behind her ensued a hot pursuit but she lost them in Burlington street. Catching her breath in an empty alley, she settles down to  count her prize. One hundred pounds! She was so happy. This would buy her cigarettes for days to come. She felt on top of the world! Thankfully she was standing opposite a super-market. Today, she was going to smoke her favorite Benson and Hedges cigarettes. She walked into the supermarket went straight to the shelf where she knew they would be, picked up seven packs of it and  then joined the queue at the counter, When it was her turn the cashier looked at her with one eye brow raised and so she quickly lied:

‘its for my mum and her country club friends’. 

That’s what they all say’ the cashier replied tartly.

She paid her bill and left with people looking at her like she was sick. She was used to it anyways.

Gwen smoked five sticks in 30 minutes sitting on the nearest street bench she could find.  She couldn't go back to Hedgemead park,  The police would definitely be  looking for her there. There and then she decided to take the next train to Bristol. Life was pretty much the same living on the streets. Disposing her last stub, she  makes her way to the train station.